TITLE: Jukyō no tōchi? a.k.a. Confucian Reigns
AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth
FANDOM: X-over ~ Buffy the Vampire Slayer ( femalehusband!verse ); Good Omens (book);
CHARACTER(s): Anathema Device; Newton Pulsifer; Tara Maclay; Faith Lehane;
'SHIP(s): Newton Pulsifer/ Anathema Device; Faith Lehane/Tara Maclay;
LENGTH: 666;
RATING: PG (I guess as there's some suggestion of sexual content, but nothing explicit;
A/N: Just a bit of speculative nonsense; timelines can be whatever you want them to be.
This is Tara & Faith from ~ a version, at least, of the FemaleHusband!verse & Newton Pulsifer & Anathema Device from a version of the Good Omens Book!verse, set sometime in that world after the conclusion of the book; radio version & TV version totally ignored ~ easily, as I have pretty much forgotten the radio version, and have never seen and have, mostly, been able to ignore the TV version of Good Omens.
Not sure the punn-y title really works, but I'm sticking with it.
~ This is dedicated* to the inestimable 
elisi who has given me more help; friendship & hope than almost anyone else in my life.
I hope she likes this wee thank you; even with all the slippery timey-wimey-ness...
They were both thinking that having a book of predictions would be a useful thing right now.
“Confucius he say, 'the night to come will bear winds of great strength and breadth enough to darken the moon'.'“
Anathema Device temporarily turned her mind from the flat tyre, and frowned at the passenger beside her.
“ Did your car just tell us it would be a dark and stormy night? “
Newton Pulsifer attempted to shrug; he did not know how to explain his plastic Japanese vehicle suddenly spouting Chinese; he presumed it was Chinese, proverbs.
So he just kind of shuddered instead as he suddenly felt the car, very jerkily, being lifted off the ground; tipping the, safely seat-belted travellers, backwards.
He also ignored the fact that a young woman was kneeling to remove the flat tyre, while her companion began knocking on the driver's side window.
It was just the two of them; inside and out.
Just the two.
The woman at the window proffered a bag of cookies. Anethama, smiling, accepted the bag, took a small handful and passed them over to her boyfriend.
Fortunately for him, Newton Pulsifer was in too much of a state of shock to display his usual shocked smile that he, Newton Pulsifer, had an actual girlfriend.
A real girlfriend that he, Newton Pulsifer, was actually having real sex with.
From beside him, a Bostonian accent ~ he had watched Warlock many times as part of his research; certainly not at the behest of his former comrade, Witchfinder Sergeant Shadwell, who would not have approved ~ suddenly yelled, “ Roll me one. “
Before he could point out that his Wasabi had no spare tyre, even in its miraculously reconditioned... er ~ condition... the woman disappeared from the window and rolled a spare tyre under where the front of the car should have been, presumably into the waiting hands of her ~ he had the disturbing notion that the two were lovers.
He wondered how red his face was getting as he fought his unwanted imagination; knowing that for certain, his girlfriend would know what was absolutely not trying to creep into his unwanted imagination.
He could almost hear Shadwell's admonishments to righteousness.
Disturbingly he seemed to be using Anathema's accent...
He risked a sideways glance. Finally he heard what she was actually saying.
“ … these are really very good. “
They locked eyes.
He could see in them that she was well aware his girlfriend; Newton Pulsifer's girlfriend, was well aware the woman was a witch. What the woman changing the non-existent spare tyre was... well a mystery.
Suddenly his Wasabi interrupted his; their?, thoughts with a repeat of her confucing, Confusion...
He frowned.
His frown doubled its frown when he considered the almost cloudless November sky gleaming back down at him.
It wasn't even afternoon.
His car had never been prone to weather predictions either.
Then the Wasabi was slowly; and much more smoothly lowered to the ground.
Newton Pulsifer stared straight ahead, and not at the whispers the Cookie Lady was presenting to her... roommate's ear. The roommate grinned and could clearly be seen ~ but not by him ~ mouthing, 'Again?'
He felt guilty that they never even thought of... offering their rescuers a lift, but he was too busy not looking at the woman as she leant into the car; gently refusing to take the bag of cookies back from his, Newton Pulsifer, girlfriend.
He successfully fought off a smile once more.
“ If I were you, “ she suggested, “ I'd park, “ she paused glancing down, as if seeing the plasticity of the Wasabi for the first time, “ at the Rail Station, and take the train to Yorkshire. “
This time Newton Pulsifer glanced at his girlfriend.
Anathema was ~ not staring ~ er, glancing back at him.
How had she known they were off to visit Anathema's ancestral home?
“ It's going to be a dark and stormy night. “
So intent were they on getting to the Train Station that they didn't see where the two women had disappeared for their... ~ uhm, picnic.
tio-trile.tumblr.com/post/114108619069/requests-well-we-havent-seen-your-headcanon
That dedication ~ This comes from 'The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry' and consists of a note he is writing to his adopted daughter, Maya, about a story he is reccomending to her. ' Maya, perhaps you don't know that I had a wife before Amelia and a profession before I became a bookseller. I was once married to a woman named Nicole Evans. I love her very much. She died in a car accident, and a large part of me was dead for a long time after, probably until I found you.
( to elisi, there's a lot more, but I wanted to include the first paragraph ~ the rest you can read when you get to the copy of the book I sent to you ~ before I added the sentence that matters most here. Little of this is specific to the two of us, but the intent of what I am trying to say is expressed in these last words. You know more about my life than most anyone else and you still seem to like me. That means more than I can truly express. This story is just a small gift to say thank you. )
' … if you're ever interested in reading more about the things your dad did in another life'.
~ A.J.F.
May the Goddess watch over you and all you love,
kerk hiraeth
