Hiraeth (pronounced [hiraɪ̯θ])

   TITLE: 900 Days

   AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer ( *verse );

   CHARACTER(s): Willow Rosenberg; Silja Rönnensbarn (OC);

   'SHIP(s): Willow/OC (Silja);

   LENGTH: 899;

   RATING: NC-17;

   A/N: This is written for the halfamoon.dreamwidth.org/392164.html prompt #1 Under the Light of the Moon, and is set in a previously unexplored buffyverse, which is a close cousin to the world in which I set It's Easy to be Noble (When You're Not) in Constantinople kerk-hiraeth.dreamwidth.org/3891.html . Silja is a presence in that, though she does not appear, and the Willow in this is literary kin to the one in that story.

          They are in the Philippines having met just after Willow split with a previous lover, and two days after the anniversary of Tara's death in Seeing Red. They have never; at least not directly, spoken about Tara and, though Silja knows who she was, has never heard Willow speak Tara's name in her presence. Silja comes from the Swedish-speaking areas of Finland; thinks of herself as Finnish, though Swedish is her first language. 

         There are references to the BtVS Season Five episode, Listening to Fear, as well as some specific inspirations from a Philippines lesbian series called Lulu https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sFpvAMe1NI . 

         The Emily Dickinson poems between them started the train of thought that, eventually, led to this story. 

     Willow moaned as Silja reached for her lips.

   “Dos iz onvarfn,” she complained as the unlit fag was sent flying into the moonlit South China Sea night.

   About the only word she recognised in her lover's offensive response was the Finnish for Yiddish, she thought; only having started learning that less than a month previous, not that her grasp of Swedish was improving tremendously.

   Apart from a few very important phrases.

   “No fair, “ Willow bid fair to point out to Silja as her complaint was cut off, “I'm still trying to learn Swed... “

   Instead of pointing out the deliberate... mistake, Silja hisspered into her ear; in synch with the two fingers, into her mouth, that had so recently made her cum.

   “Babae ko yan, “ which Willow recognised as a sentiment, even if she didn't know the words.

   Shit, Rosenberg! You can recognise Indigo Girls lyrics in a dozen dead languages, but...

   Distracted by the task of cleaning the fingers she put aside phantom grievances and let herself lean back into her lover's chest as they reached their free hand over to stroke the boob they could reach.

   Stubbornly enjoying the discomfort Silja must be in she closed her eyes and let herself enjoy what she was doing.

   Task completed she allowed herself a surly grunt as tik-silja raised herself up onto an elbow and whispered, “That's three she owes me. “

   Wishing mightily the full moon; heavenly and Heavenly, was not making her so horny; Willow suddenly turned tables on her equally horny lover and, after a significant pause as they stared into each other's eyes, began teasing Silja's collarbone.

   “Long way short of that record, my tik-silja.”

   Silja snarled back, “Devorah's.. or hers.” Then screech-laughed as Willow took revenge at the name of the woman she'd broken up with; they'd broken up with each other truthfully, roiling a nipple between her teeth, before they headed down between her legs for what was not destined to be a gentle session under the light of a beautiful filipino moon.

   Gleefully she gave in to the fuck she'd been after.

     ~ 
 

   Finally able to enjoy a fag unmolested Willow lay back on the sand enjoying the satisfaction of Silja getting some control over her breathing again.

   Seeing something cross the face of the glistening moon above she suddenly took in the star formations and. almost out of nowhere, one of the phrases she had been practicing escaped, albeit imperfect, her lips.

   “Vad? “ Silja managed to gasp, before Willow tossed her cigarette away and raised her arm pointing at one of the constellations visible on the night of a full moon.

   She couldn't see all of them, and they weren't the same ones, but the memories they evoked did not care.

   “Den stora ananasen. “

   “Den... Va... What? “

   Willow switched arms and, as she lay her arm over Willow's torso, Silja followed the line of that arm. She had no great knowledge of her own night sky; let alone this one over the moonlit South China Sea, but she found the constellation being pointed out.

   Sensing something important was happening she stayed silent, and kissed Willow's shoulder as she felt a choked off sob behind their breathing as they whispered.

   “The big pineapple. She said the actual constellations made no sense, so... She made up her own. “ Then their gazes followed Willow's pointer to another set of visible stars. “Húdié... Butterfly. I made up some of my own and; when we came back from seeing that at an Asian Film Festival in Frisco, saw that in the sky.

   I mean, they're not the same stars. Not really, but they kind of remind me of them. “

   Resting her head against Willow's belly, Silja could feel the emotions that were being released after so long.

   “Suuremmat ja pienemmät yksisilmäiset viksut. “ Clarifying; giving her love's belly a kiss. “The greater and lesser one-eyed vixens. “

   Stroking Silja's short, and very Marie Fredriksson looking hair, Willow began humming the only bit of a Roxette song she could recall. It was expanded upon, with added finger drums, as Silja used her cheeks as an inpromptu soundbox, humming into Willow's belly; around, and along with what with they were remembering. 

   After a few more minutes where they could only hear the waves; birds and a distant prop plane... and each other's breathing, Willow lifted herself up slightly, and they held hands.

   Both hands.

   Willow gripped tighter as she found some well of inner streng... no peace, and spoke softly; almost as of she were speaking to some distant, ghostly, memory.

   “Nine. Hundred. Days, “ turning her head to look Silja directly in the eyes, in a way she never had before. We've been together nine hundred days. “

   Silja tried, but did not succeed in choking off her own sob as Willow whispered, “We've broken that record. “ Then they kissed Silja deeply, and more passionately than ever before.

   Adding, after they broke the kiss, “Vi har slagit det rekordat, my tik-silja.

   Niohundra dagar. “

     An Hour is a Sea 
     Between a few, and me ~ 
     With them, would harbor be ~ 
        (Emily Dickinson, c.1864) 

     I gazed - as at a stranger ~ 
     The Lady in the Town 
     Doth think no incivility 
     To lift her glass - upon ~ 
        (Emily Dickinson, c.1862; from poem #629) 
    

      


    May the Goddess watch over you and those you love, 

    kerk hiraeth 

   In readying The Dance of the Happy Little Toaster https://archiveofourown.org/works/21695866 for inclusion on A03 I have been reminded of other stories that are connected to that one scene; Willow telling Tara she is with the one she loves, and Tara blowing out the candle. I wanted to put all those stories in one post as they will be included, or linked to other series/verses eventually and I really wanted to have them together in one post.

 Latterly I will also post them separately, but this will serve as a small collected post for the extra fics. The dreamwidth post is here https://kerk-hiraeth.dreamwidth.org/3690.html for The Dance of the Happy Little Toaster. It should be noted that in all my depictions Willow is bisexual; Tara lesbian. Not that that matters as such; since I haven't yet found a way of exploring that.

   This is a trio of drabbles; re-edited, but originally written for the open_on_sunday prompt, (un)dress back in 2014. They all come under the theme of first times and are set in reverse order of occurrence. The first is firmly set in my femalehusband!verse; the second, while after the conclusion of 'New Moon Rising' is also; per my head canon also set in that 'verse; this is also true of the third which is pre-series for Tara's arrival on Buffy.

   TITLE: Eagles on the Wind

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (post-series; femalehusband!verse);

   LENGTH: 100;

   CHARACTER(s): Faith Lehane; Tara Maclay;

   'SHIP(s): Faith/Tara;

   RATING: PG-13;

   SUMMARY: On their wedding night, Faith experiences Tara's true magic for the first time.

   A/N: Both characters are in their thirties when this occurs; in a 'verse that diverges from canon in S6.

     “Aren't we gonna screw?”

   Tara tutted at Faith; slowly undoing the buttons on her new wife's dress.

   “Didn't I promise you a special gift?”

   “Yeah, but...”

   Surrendering with a sigh, Faith began assisting in her disrobement; unable to hide her confusion. After all she'd walked in to find her Tara nude on the bed; dress and underwear strewn across the room.

   Hard not to make assumptions really; though she should have considered Tara's wicked sense of humor.

   Both naked they kissed.

   Tara put a halt to anything more; well tried anyway.

   Minutes later they were flying; Eagles on the wind.

   TITLE: Gentle as a Desert Spring

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer S4 (post-New Moon Rising);

   LENGTH: 100;

   CHARACTER(s): Tara Maclay; Willow Rosenberg;

   SHIP(s): Willow/Tara (willtara);

   RATING: PG-13;

   SUMMARY: Tara's pov on the moments after she blew out the candle at the conclusion of 'New Moon Rising'.

   A/N: Tara's journey; following on from the drabble below, toward the future seen in the one above; taken as a snapshot of her first night, as a lover, with Willow.

     It was Tara that broke their kiss; before Willow fainted.

   She could tell Willow wasn't entirely happy about that, but she wanted this to be good; better than good.

   Plenty of time for the ripping of bodices.

   This was Willow's first time; with a girl anyway.

   Gently was what Tara wanted; as hers had been.

   Her first with a woman anyway.

   “Tara...”

   Softly praying to the Goddess, Tara leant in to kiss Willow gently on the lips.

   “Now,” she whispered, with a mischievous smile, “let's slip out of something more uncomfortable.”

   She delighted as Willow blushed; redder than her hair.

   TITLE: The First Time

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (circa S3);

   LENGTH: 100;

   CHARACTER(s): Tara Maclay; OC, ( Jan(an) al-Bukhari);

   'SHIP(s): Tara/oc / Tara/Jan(an);

   RATING: PG-13;

   SUMMARY: What was Tara's first time like?

   A/N: This is set on Tara's eighteenth birthday; two years prior to the conclusion of 'Family'. Tara's Girlfriend here is approximately five years her senior and will appear in other 'verses over time. She is Arab-American; her parents arriving as refugees when she was still a baby.
 

     “Tara... come here,”

   Less than five hours eighteen Tara; having known only fear; pain and tears, found the feelings she'd had toward girls; all her life, were very real.

   “Janan... I don't know what...”

   Not born from previous torment.

   Betrayed by her nervousness; still coming back from their lovemaking; uncertain in these unnavigated waters, her Girlfriend's voice gave her a compass.

   “Jan, please. I...”

   The Arab girl responded eagerly to the sudden; decisive, kiss from Tara; newly certain of who she was; what she wanted.

   “I want to use your name as often as I can...

   I love your name. “

   Oo-kay, so this is probably the single scariest fic I have written to date depicting, as it does, a sexual encounter between two women to fill a prompt requested by a bona fide lesbian. Not the first lesbian scene I'd written; but this was for someone. The original is from 2015, and is set a while after the one above written in 2014 for open_on_sunday; The Dance of the Happy Little Toaster is set the following morning.

   TITLE: Cresting the Wave

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer S4;

   LENGTH: 100;

   RATING: R;

   CHARACTER(s): Willow Rosenberg; Tara Maclay;

   'SHIP(s): Willow/Tara (willtara);

   SUMMARY: Tara introduces Willow to experiences she was not yet aware of.

   A/N: The original prompt was ~ Tara/Willow – Rimming ~ for drabbletag6 at femslash100 (sadly the comm does not seem to have been updated for some time), for which said prompter declared herself well pleased and made some very kind comments. Because it was most definitely outside my comfort zone it is stiil on of those of which I am proudest. Though erotic; rather than explicit, it is still very much a nerve-wracker to be putting out there again.
 

     Whatever Willow had expected from tonight, it wasn't this.

   Gasping at the magical chill, she sighed as it was replaced by a warm; probing, dampness which slowly set a musky; moist, warmth aflame within her.

   Minute at first; pressure built, curious; sensuous, teasing.

   Seeking for her key.

   Heat; mind fuzzy, a viscid wetness; intense, past even where she'd been before.

   Willow; brain sharply unfocussed, bit the crest of the wave into the pillow.

   Fingers; one wetter than the rest, stroked her back to lucidity.

   Tara raised her chin from where she was nuzzling Willow's ass.
 

   “Now the fun really starts.”

    kerk hiraeth  

elisi

   TITLE: ...IT'S EASY TO BE NOBLE (WHEN YOU'RE NOT) IN CONSTANTINOPLE

   AUTHOR: kerk hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (post-series)

   LENGTH: 611;

   CHARACTERS: Willow Rosenberg; Daniel 'Oz' Osborne; OC's & regulars implied.

   'SHIPS: Willow/OC; Willow/Tara & Willow/Oz (implied); Oz/OC; other canon pairings implied.

   A/N: It's that blue-haired meeting in Istanbul, mentioned in 'New Moon Rising'; only they're in Italy, and it's twenty years to the day after the laundry room scene from 'Hush'.

     ...It's Easy to be Noble (when you're not) in Constantinople

     by kerk hiraeth

    Half a lifetime,

   Half a lifetime ago, half a world away,

   she had finally been able to say goodbye,

   cried tears of sadness, tears of passion,

   cried tears of joy, tears of grief and loss.

   Half a lifetime away, half a world ago,

    Crossing a square,

   The noise of remembered voices,

   speaking a thousand tongues,

   of battles fought, foes vanquished,

   lovers kissed, couples dancing,

   laughing children, whispered dreams.

   All in the steps it takes... crossing a square. 

 

    Sipping a cup of joe,

   Sipping a cup of joe,

   Sat, all but alone, in a near empty square,

   with two (other) musicians... In an empty square.

   The sun was bright, which somehow seemed right.

   There was the smell of baking bread,

   garlic and coffee beans roasting in the open air.

   Sipping a cup of joe.

    Nights making love,

   Nights making love... and days...

   and nights... and days...

   of caresses and exploration...

   of lips and salty wetness...

   of passions shared... and memories...

   of the one she was never without...

   Forever... Always... Everything...

    Crossing an ocean,

   Crossing an ocean

    … with you watching the skies, while they sleep.

    … with you smiling at his snores, while she sleeps.

    … with you watching day become night... while they sleep.

    … with you caressing her breast, while he sleeps.

    … with you tasting her... while he sleeps, and she smiles.

    Sat at a table, she smiled,

   At a table, Beneath a tree, On a couch,

   On a chair, On a bench, At a wheel.

   Stood on a stage, At a tree.

   Beneath a tree, she smiled...

   Beneath a tree, he smiled...

   Once more with feeling...

   Beneath a tree.

   In a corridor, At a door, Beneath a tree.

   Sat at a table, she smiled.

    Peaceful faces,

   A daughter, at home, friends on the couch.

   A lover, asleep, a son at her breast.

   Friends, asleep, twins on their laps.

   A joy watching them all.

   Gentle faces, beautiful faces, spotty faces.

   Scarred faces, scared faces, smiling faces...

   Peaceful faces.

    Crossing a street,

   One step at a time... to the grocer.

   One step at a time... to the school.

   One step at a time... to the park.

   One step at a time... to say goodbye.

   One step at a time... crossing a street...

   To say... hello?

    Scarlet, auburn, red,

   Eyes that glittered, smiles that glowed,

   Hairs that flowed, gently caressed.

   Hair, now short, now grey,

   now multi-colored, now grey... or was it silver?

   Daughter - hair scarlet...

   Son - hair auburn,

   Lover - hair red,

   Wife - forever stained black...

   Should be blue.

    A piper... playing; a woman sings,

   A piper on Northumberland pipes,

   playing a jaunty tune, from foreign shores, on foreign land.

   A woman sings a song of love,

   between people of stranger faiths born.

   Children playing, children dancing, children sleeping.

   We were floating, always floating, here we're floating.

   A woman watches a piper playing,

   A woman sleeps, while another sings.

    Crossing a sidewalk,

   A cup leaves a mouth, once so familiar,

   A soul leaves a body, finally at peace,

   The cup comes to rest; gentle applause,

   A face turns, eyes twinkle, a gentle smile,

   Boy wears jacket, girl a coat,

   Son wears diapers, daughter..?

   Naked... BETTER NOT BE!

   Men in kilts, woman in trews.

    She sniffs... He stands... She nods... He smiles...

   “You're sitting down,” she sniffs.

   “It's not Istanbul,” he replies; he stands.

   “You're not around the corner,” she nods over his shoulder.

   “Your hair's not blue,” he smiles.

   Half a lifetime, half a world, half a promise.

   Half a world away, half a lifetime ago.

   Hug and hold him. Kiss and love her.

   Bury your dreams and love the rest as best you can.

   Barely a word. Never a sight.

   We're early, their eyes said, not blaming.

   But... (return to title) 



    kerk hiraeth 

   TITLE: Que Sera, Sera aka. Doris' Day

   AUTHOR: kerk_hiraeth

   FANDOM: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (au for canon from Welcome to the Hellmouth / The Harvest)

   LENGTH: 500

   CHARACTERS: Xander; Jesse & two (count'em, two) Willow's;

   SHIP: Xander/Jesse;

   A/N: Very soon after I posted my first story in twenty-one months, I began to get images that confused me, until I also began to wonder what might have come to pass if someone other than Jesse had been taken by Darla during the pilot episode(s).

           This was the result. As always getting the story to fit the parametres was the most fascinating of exercises. I cannot express how much I have missed that.

          Also this www.youtube.com/watch is the tune that is referenced.

       He woke, as he always did, with the dawn; not troubling too much with the getting dressed. He'd be back in bed before very long anyway.

    A tiny noise had him looking down as a tiny body; stirring at the sudden absence of warmth, snuggled tighter to the rising chest on the other side. Lifting the baby; pausing on the way only to turn the heating on in the room that would become hers, he carried her down to the kitchen.

   Carefully he laid her on the changing mat, he got the makings of their breakfasts together and started before he began the messier business of changing diapers and making sure she was fed.

   Ready for the next poop.

   Pulling out a draw under the table; everything he needed already laid out, a smile made him feel warm in the knowledge that someone knew him so well.

   Dark memories of his own family intruded, but a discontented noise brought him safely back to the present.

   By the time he heard the shower running diapers were changed; baby fed, and breakfast ready. Just time to get the coffee ready before arms wrapped themselves around him and a kiss was planted on his neck.

   Silently then they watched as their little girl; never to know her Slayer mother, shifted contentedly; already in the carrier, ready for the creche.

   As he watched Jesse eating his breakfast Xander pondered on the gawky teenager he'd known at Sunnydale High who'd somehow become an award - okay he'd been runner up, but that school had never won anything - teacher.

   Helping Jesse secure the straps, Xander impulsively took the tiny hand grasping Jesse's thumb and kissed them both.

   Jesse touched noses with his husband; whispering, as he'd done so many times before, “Do you ever wonder where we'd be if that vamp hadn't taken Willow?”

   It was rhetorical, saving Xander from lying. 

   He'd thought about it too many times; if Jesse had been taken; what he'd be if it had been him.

   Watching Jesse, singing that same tune he sang to this Willow every morning, as he set off on his half hour trek to school, he thought of it once more but, as he shut the door behind him, he began to go through all he had to do before he met Jesse later and they went over to Chez Summers for his small birthday bash.

   'Forty!'

   Laughing at himself, he stole a cookie, and walked upstairs. 'How the hell did I get to be forty!'

   Thoughts of their school pal; best of the Three Caballeros, they both agreed, to the fore; he wondered what high powered career she'd be over achieving at if he hadn't been forced to kill the monster she had become.

   Shaking his head vigorously he settled into Jesse's side, of course, of the bed and fell asleep; that tune playing in his head, contented and grateful, even with a couple of dozen teenage hormone bombs he was supposedly responsible for, at how his life had turned out.

   The future's not ours to see, 
   kerk hiraeth